December 2009
2 posts
Picking at Old Wounds
So, I realize that its been quite a while since I’ve written on here. A lot’s happened. Some good, some bad. I certainly wish I had journaled everything. I am at home right now. Sitting in my parent’s living room.
I know that its probably too little, too late. But I miss you. And when we hung out this past weekend, I could feel a little bit of the old feelings sort of breaking...
You know what bothers me about you?
How fast you get over me.
November 2008
4 posts
Go on a date
Me: this single thing is killing me
Me: a) i don't feel like going out
Me: b) i don't feel like going on dates yet
Me: but
Me: c) i feel lonely as fuck
Me: fucking irony
Special K: yeah man
Special K: I know, I know...
Special K: I tell you what...
Special K: go on a date
Special K: or multiple dates
Me: i want to go on dates
Special K: it's the best thing
Me: i just don't think girls want to go on dates with me
Me: lol
Special K: well, you might be right
Special K: hahaha
Me: ahahahha
Special K: naaah I'm just kidding
Me: i'm goign to go cry now
Big Mistake
I don’t know what happened to me this week. I know that the last thing anyone should do is hang out with their ex’s. But I did. She had asked me to drop the dogs off and cried when i tried to leave. “I miss you” amidst the crying broke me down.
In the end I invited her over and she hung out. We had sex and it was great, but at the same time I couldn’t help but think,...
Halloween
This night was pretty crazy. All I know is that Flow and I tried to meet up with some of our friends at a pub crawl but the line that hit the corner outside of it made us change our minds and hit up the local irish bar instead.
The irish bar was pretty cool, the blonde bartender was a knockout dressed up as a cop with a shirt that had probably shrunk in the laundry. Thank you hot water.
We sat...
Been a while
I thought it’d be a good idea to document day by day the occurences of how its felt to just go through a break up. Weeks later I still feel hurt. I still am having a hard time talking to girls and connecting. What the hell is wrong with me.
About a week ago I ended up at a club/lounge that was having a “lingerie ball” hosted by all the strip clubs in the area. Awesome right?...
October 2008
13 posts
Gut check.
I made the mistake of taking a look at my ex’s tumblr. She has a photo of her with her guy eating lunch today. Life is a roller coaster right now.
I’ll have to admit, instead of the heart wrenching that I thought would occur, I thought to myself, what can I do? Absolutely nothing. Still pretty damn sad though. Just need to soldier on.
I taught myself Oasis Wonderwall today on the...
50% Chance
So a bunch of my friends, God bless their souls took me out last night. I knew that they had collectively come together to get me out of the house and back out into the world because a) 2 of them never went out on Thursday nights and b) they hated lounge/club places.
The night started out well enough, and when the waitress came around to get our drinks, everyone ordered the usual, Johnny Walker...
First step... Check.
So everyone is telling me the best way to get past this hump is to keep busy and meet new people.
There’s this girl I bump into from time to time at work. She’s cute and has got a great smile, and on top of that has excellent taste in shoes. Yeah. I’m straight but I notice that shit too. Anyway, I had seen her over at a bar back in the city a good while ago and we had talked for...
Hammer comes down
So, I guess she IS going out of town to visit her new guy. I hope he dies in a car crash.
Ok… Maybe not dies…. Just gets really badly hurt.
Ok… Maybe not even that. Maybe just have 50% of his face burned so that he looks like a whoopee cushion.
Geez. What have I become… :(
Even Co-Workers Help
H: You're very quiet this week. everything okay with you?
m: having a tough week
H: web stuff?
m: my girl for 5 years... we just broke up
H: Oh no!!! im so sorry!
m: yeah. been tough.
m: :|
H: :(
m: i just try and focus on work
H: I know that feeling
m: sometimes i don't even want to come in
H: yea just stay busy
H: it'll get easier with time-easier said then done but its true
m: yeah... that's the tough part
m: getting through the time.
H: I was dating a guy for almost 7 years then he left
m: :(
H: so i know exactly what u feel
m: yeah.
m: it hurts a ton.
H: i remember i used to think world has come to an end
H: only thing that helped me was stay busy with friends!!
H: dont' drink!! :)
m: yeah, agreed. I always lived by the motto, drink when you're happy, don't drink when you're down.
**I started tearing up the entire time she was IM'ing me. Managed to hold it off though.
Friends Help
M: there's this girl that keeps texting
D: nice
M: she wants to bone i think. but...
M: i don't really feel like it
M: is that normal?
D: yeah
D: it is
M: like... i feel like i'm cheating on her...
D: don't try to force yourself
M: even though we're done
D: exactly
M: i know... i just feel shitty
M: still feel guilty
D: she's the one that gave up
D: not you
Random Girl
So this random girl keeps texting me. I had met her a week ago. Nothing special. I text her back to exchange niceties like how’s work, how’s your day, stuff like that. She wanted to talk on the phone last night, but I feigned sickness and said I had a sore throat.
I think she wants to hook up, but… I’m definitely not ready. Just writing this out is making my stomach kinda...
Train Rides Can Kill
I got up this morning and right away I knew it was going to be one of those mornings. First off, I was already late. I had set my alarm for 6:20am but in an attempt to get extra sleep and hitting the snooze button one too many times by the time I rolled out of bed it was 8:20am. Perhaps the only reason I did get up is that one of my dogs sat on my back while the other started gnawing on my hand.
...
Couch Potato
Watching Old School. I’m ok right now. Hopefully we don’t see any waterworks tonight.
One of my buddies called.
Him: Hey man, how you feeling?
Me: Shitty. Like that guy in Sarah Marshall before Mila Kunis steps into the picture and makes out with him.
Him: Listen, we need to get you out. Tomorrow there’s this thing going on, one of my guys is getting a table at xxxxxx. Its going to be a blast. Next Tuesday, there’s something going on at xxxxx. Its sponsored by all the tittie bars around the...
IM
We started IM’ing today.
I learned that she was going to visit the guy she had cheated me on with this coming weekend. Well, she wasn’t sure yet.
She told me she wanted to say “I love you”. I had asked her not to anymore. I simply said, you don’t say those things to people you claim to love, and then go on a weekend trip with a different guy.
I guess I’m a...
Fringe
I was sitting on my sofa watching Fringe. Had just eaten some Indian food that we always used to make together (one of those instant boxes that you just had to add some chicken to). Tasted amazing.
I started crying. I didn’t want to. But i did. One of my dogs came up to me and laid on my chest. They truly are man’s best friend. She looked at me as if to say, its going to get better. ...
The End
Or the start of a beginning? We had a nasty fight last night. There was lots of yelling. On my part at least. She was crying trying to hug me. We were laying in bed. In a house that I had bought for the two of us to share and grow a family with one day.
In the end I told her that I had hated what I had become. Earlier in the year I was the epitome of how a normal guy with a great job, and a great...